Half of 2024 Jan-July

I am going to turn this into a biannual journal, soely becasue I forget, but also because I don't want to forget all these precious memories! I am having a harder time remembering Lily and Jacob as little babies as they are getting older, but it's been so nice to look back on this blog to read and remember my little sweeties. Nacho is turning 3 soon and has grown so much! I'll make a seperate post about him. But I'm sad I haven't documented all his development and sweet momments of him as a baby. Time to repent and do better! So far this year has been good, interesting and eduring. Lily is growing older, total tween. She's now a 'woman' as far as physical developlment goes. Someday she'll kill me for this, but she started her period in January and was totally pumped about it, shouting from the bathroom 'guess who started their period???!!!' My world spun, how could my baby girl be starting her period at 11?! I was not prepared for this, and yes I cried but not for her to see. I quickly ran to the store to get her supplies as well as ice cream to celebrate womanhood. lol. Since then it has been interesting teaching her all the things surrounding puberty. She is still a child, but not at the same time...it's too weird. She turned 12 in february and everything feels lik it has sped up. She as a group of girlfriends from school who seem to be the most important people in the world to her. She had her very first sleepover with them for her birthday. Those girls are crazy, loud and and totally Lily's kid of people. total of 9 tween girls slept over, I did not sleep. She started young womens in church, no longer in primary. She enjoys young womans and I can see those little bits of spiritual growth as she strengthens her foundation and develops a testimony of her own. We have lots of talks about faith, resisting things that get in the way of our spiritual growth and how the lord can be a source for peace. I hope that as her road gets harder, she remembers the discussions we have and gets closer to her father in heaven. She completed 6th grade, she is a smart dedicated girl. She got excellent grades and we are always so proud of her. She still wants to be an astronomer someday. But she also is obsessed with art and illustration which she does on her free time. She is an incredible artisit and I can't wait to see how far she develops those skills. She did a couple speech competitions with the RISE program, it amamzes me how she is not afraid to do things that most kids would be too intimidated to do! She does not back down froma challenge. She joined the girls flag football team at school, and they got 2nd place in their final championship. She is still competeing in weighlifting competetions, getting a gold medal in the Arizona Championship for 64kg group. We took her to Nationals in June in Pittsburgh PA where she got 3rd place medal out of 10 other girls. She was the youngest (barely 12 and all others 13 close to 14yrs old) and she was the smallest in the 64+kg group. She got 5/6 of her lifts and was smiling the entire time. She has a total blast at these competitions and says that she gets nervous but it turns to excitement and adrenaline to make her lifts. She is so fun to watch, and i hope she continues to enjoy lifting. Mark and I also got to take her on a little trip before nationals to Washington DC. It was really cool to go to the smithsonioan museums, black history museum and see all the monuments together. That one on one time with our girl was so special. She's not used to getting the attention since her little brothers are always so needey for it, she usually hangs out in the background, never asking for anything from us. She does does what she knows needs to be accomplished and takes what she recieves. so it was so wonderful to shower her with our love and praise. She is truly a special light in this dark world. I've always felt that way about lily. She stands out in the crowd (not just becuase of her curly hair) but because she is who she is. Never trying to fit into the mold of what everyone else wants her to be, never making herself small to please others. She is always smiling, thinking her funny and creative thoughts, which she will gladly tell you if you give her a chance. She went to girls campl this year (loved it) and it was so cool to hear from various leaders how lily is such a kind, thoughtful and helpful person. Anytime someone was sad, there was lily giving them a hug and trying to make them smile. She is never fake, 100 percent genuine to who she is and does not care if someone does not like her. I LOVE HER! She is everything I want to be in life and it just comes natural to her. She has started 7th grade, Junior high, and we have lots of discussions about how her world around her seems to be changing. People she's grown with are changing and it's hard for her. I see the shift from child to teen in her eyes and i'm hating the sadness i see in her. But one thing we always try to remind her, be who you are always, be the light in the darkness for good not matter who rejects you or if you end up alone at times. I love my girl so incredibly much and I know she will be a source for good in this world.

Mr. Jacob. My lego, fornite, xbox obsessed kiddo. He turned 9 in June, and He loves attention the most out of all of the three kids. Always needes his family to listen to his stories, give him love and do things for him (which we are working on this year to be better at doing things for ourself) But he is also my most empathetic and kind hearted child. This kid can tell when someone is sad without them even saying anything. And he is the first one to give someone a needed hug or tell them that he loves/appreciates them. He is truly beautiful. I often think that when I look at him, what a beautiful boy he is. His heart is full of love for others. He loves his family feircley, and is always there for us. And he loves all his many friends (honestly everyone is his best friend) Recently a friend of his lost his father suddenly to colon cancer. He did lots of praying for his friend and family asking heavenly father to help cure his father of cancer. When i told him that his friends dad was going on hospice and almost likely would die soon, he had a good long cry about it, because he didn't want his friend to suffer in this way. He was confused that he had been pryaing hard to help his friends dad, but he was uncurable. It was a good opportunity for us to discuss the power of the attonment and the ablilty that his friend has to be with his dad forever. That this is not the end, and they will be reunited again on the otherside. After a while of talking he said he felt peace in his heart, then we discussed that this peace is only the kind of peace heavenly fathers spirit can give us and that he should continue to pray for his friend and accept heavenly fathers plan for them. A week later his friends father passed away. When I told Jacob, I expected for him to cry. But he sat in silence for a minute and then asked 'I wonder how my friend is doing right now.' My little sweetheart, unconcerned by his feelings, only cared to know how his friend was feeling. I love his kind beautiful heart so much and hope he never sees that as a weakness, only a strength. His Aunt T is in the hospital right now, she may not make it out due to her lung failure. He has been asking alot and praying alot for her and asked if we could go visit her in the hospital to possibly say we love her and goodbye if that is what is heavenly fathers plan for her. It was a hard visit for him, but I know it gave his heart some peace to be with her if possibly for one last time. He truly loves his family and friends with all his heart. He completed 2nd grade and got all four quarters making honor roll and principles pride. So he is a smart boy. So very creative, always coming up with new lego builds. He won a lego build contest at Bricks and Minifigs for his creativity. I love to see what he creates! He still loves toys and wants to collect them all, nerf guns, lego sets, sonic action figures to name a few. I am actually impressed with his gaming ablilites, though i'm trying to limit them so he does other things in life. He loves to play roblox, fortnite and sonic and wants to be a competetive fortnite player (eep, lol). He did flag football as well this year, is currently doing crossfit teens and will start weightlifting with lily in the fall. I love the end of the night when I get to lie next to him before he falls asleep, reading a book and talking about life. Jacob is a smart, talented and overall amazingly beautiful boy.

Nacho, the air that I breath. Oh man I love this child with all my heart! (as I do all my kids...but he's the baby, so.) He is such a funny baby! Still makes the funniest faces. He acts like he's 2 going on 6, such a smart boy. He is my little partner as the other two are in school. We love to cuddle on the couch watching his shows and playing together. I kiss and hug him all day long and he never pushes me away (but he'll push anyone else who tries away...he can be a spicy Nacho.) He turns 3 this month, which is crazy to me how much time has flown by. I will write a longer post about him after his birthday, but so far this year he has grown into an independent, spicy, adorable and funny toddler soon to be preschooler.

Mark and I have been doing well. Mark is a Senior Manager accountant with Republic services. So far it's been a challenge adjusting to him working from home the last few years, to going back to the office and working alot of hours. The drive into scottsdale is an hour sometimes 1.5 hours for him so that sucks. We are talking about moving closer to scottsdale so he doesn't have to travels so far, but it's hard to leave a place we've made into a home and the kids are not excited about the idea of leaving their friends. So he will endure the drive until that day comes. Otherwise he seems to be doing a great job with his employer, they seem to like him and is happy with where he works. Which is good cause he spends alot of time working and late nights...being a growup is tuff. He is still the EQ President, and enjoys serving and getting to know the brothers of our ward. Mark is so easy going and level headed, and i love that he can share that peace with the brothers he serves and they teach him important things along that journey as well. I love Mark, he is such a great father and an incredibly supportive spouse. I am very fortunate to have him as my partner. As for me, I turned 40 in June...yikes. I had been having a lot of struggle with turning 40. Lots of feelings of inadicuacy, wondering what i've accomplished so far in my life. A lot of my friends moved on from me when I got pregnant and I had stopped hanging out with them from fear of contracting covid and losing Nacho.I understand why we drifted apart, but it made me feel very alone. I have not had a whole lot of connections aside from my imideate family and have felt very disconnected from friends, and sisters within my church. I think and act diferently then alot of the women around me, and it makes me feel isolated at times. Square peg, round hole is how I feel amoungst my gender. I hate that, but don't want to change who I am, becuase I like who I am...right? Realizing that I'm aging, and that my body and appereance will never be what I want it to be. I had worked so hard the four years up till I was pregnant with Nacho trying to lose weight and get stronger, it's been frustrating to feel like i'm starting all over again after having Nacho. It's left me feeling burnt out! Honestly my visions of accomplishment were incredibly shallow and unkind to myself and I was feeling myself sinking into a deep depression, one I haven't seen since my teen years. It was scary. I realized that I was having some sort of a mid-life crisis. Once I realized this, it has lead me down a journey of realizing what is important is not my outer shell, apperance and what the 'world' seems to value, but what my spiritual self becomes in this life. I have been trying to focus on better developing WHO i am, truly who I am. Figuring out who I was before this earthly existence and how I am utilizing this life to become who I need to be in the life to come. This life is so short, why am I focusing on shallow temperal things to be my source of accomplishment and Joy? So dumb. I've been focusing on developing myself through finding hobies that will develop me spiritually and intellecually (don't worry, I still work out everyday because a happy spirit is happy in a healthy body) I have developed a love for reading that I never cared to do before. I've joined a book club of awesome women who love to read as well, I have read a total of about 15 books since January, a mix of self help, fiction, romantic fantasy (my favorite) and gospel subject books. It's my new favorite hobby along with gardening which is taking a hold until this crazy hot summer is over. When I find myself self deprecating and feeling down, I have been good about trying to point out the positives in my life and the positive qualities I have. I am more then my body, I am more then what others see on the outside, the people I love in this life love me in return and they are the only ones worth my concern. I serve and love with my heart becuase I want to live as my savior taught me to be and I love ALL of heavenly fathers children no matter the choices they make. I am happy that I get to serve in Stake Relief Society among wise women who I am growing to respect and love. I am grateful for my human expereicne and want this time to become who I truly want to be in my spirit. So, that is where I am at right now. Does not mean that I don't still struggle with dark thoughts or that my life is perfect. It just means I am trying. We've had a few sad loses within our Stake which have opened my eyes to lifes fragilty and the amazing opportunity that we have to be here to learn. I hope that the lords plan is one that allows us a long earthly journey, but I can't focus on what will be, only what is.

Other happenings this year... We went to Utah to enjoy family and good weather, we were only there for about week, not our usual month. We went to Lagoon and spent lots of time eating icecream, enjoying nature and attending Carlos' wedding to Savanah. I had such a wonderful time with my sister. I wish she and I lived closer to eachother. We had a day to spend together with no children or spouses. Spent it getting our eye brows done, getting a peircing together, and going to a park with the intention to read, but ended up talking about deep life stuff. I love my sister so much and we get closer as we grow older together.

We got to take lily to her first rock concert as her 12 yr birthday gift. Mother Mother and Cave town were great! The best part was watching her face full of joy as she rocked out to some of her favorite songs.

We had the Horton Family Reunion in Flagstaff this year. The location/House was the best part. Had everything we needed and it was great to see the cousins bonding with eachother. Had a day in Sedona with everyone, and some fun at slide rock. Lily even got to cliff jump with her older cousins for the first time! I did not stay to watch, only witness the video. lol.

Then the rest of the summer was spent at the trampoline park as many days as we could get. One of Nachos favorite places. The kids also had a short blip on a summer golf team, but after having to endure 115 degree weather for 9 holes, I decided it was child abuse to let them continue. We are going to have to work on building up their love for golf again, a little PTSD attached to the game now. lol.