The Rest of 2024 Aug-Dec

I always forget to journal...so here we go, two months into 2025. August-- We celebrated the 3rd birhtday of our beautiful, funny and oh so smart Jonah Ignacio (aka. Nacho). Good heavens do we love this boy. He is the master of all funny faces. Such a goof ball and loves his family so much. He does a good job of keeping up with his older siblings, I think he thinks there are no age gaps inbetween them. He loves cars, monster trucks, sharks, going to the trampolin park and pretty much finding an interest in anything his brother likes. He loves to wrestle him, even if someone ends up getting hurt almost every time. For his birthday when we asked him what he wanted, he'd say 'a hulk smash cake', so that is what he got and he was so excited about it. He is more caucious then his brother, he's alot like lily was at his age. He gets scared to climb up the playground and go down the slide, which is nice cause I don't have to worry as much but at the same time we are working on having a little more bravery. He loves to play street fighter, and is actually really good at it. He can also suprisingly play Roblox really well too...but we're not sure how proud of the we are. He sometimes struggles to smile on comand, but it always provides the funniest smiles. He makes us laugh so hard with the things he says, mostly cause they are so smart and quick whitted we can't believe it is coming out of a three year old. For his birthday we went to the trampolin park, had pizza and partied with family. He is the air that I breath, we love him beyond words and that love for him increases everyday. So very grateful he is apart of our forever family.

Then at the end of the month, Mark and I went to Hawaii for the first time to celebrate our 15 year anniversary. We stayed in Oahu, Waikki to be exact. The hotel we stayed in was right along the beach, so we had easy access to it's beautiful warm blue waters. It was magical. We took a bus tour the first day to see some of the major sites, so we could get an idea of the sites we wanted to see the rest of our week. We visited a beautiful cemetary that has a buddhist monistary. It was so breathtaking how much folliage is everywhere! We went to a Macadamia nut farm and got all the samples we wanted, so delicious and drank from coconuts. We then went to a waterfall, a small hike, but had the chance to swim in the Waterfalls water. I almost didn't take the chance, out of shyness of being in my bathing suit in fornt of all those people, but how could I not swim in a Hawaiian Waterfall?! I am so happy I did, cause it was a dream. We visited the dole plantaion, which I'd probably never visit again, but had to visit. First day was great! We visited Pearl Harbor, which felt somber. War is just the ugly side of humanity. So sad to lose all those lives, and you felt such a sad feeling knowing that their bodies were not retrieved from the USS AZ. Amazing stories to listen to, but a dark history. We spent lots of time at the beach, which is really all I wanted to do. The water is so amazing and made my soul feel peaceful. I loved actually being able to swim in the ocean. We visited the Polynesian culteral center, and the shows, village visits and people were so beautiful. We learned so much about their culters and I love how Hawaii is a mix of all of the islands that came together, bringing their plants, traditions and people across the seas. It is a perfect mix of all of their beauty and kindness. love all that we learned there, probally one of my favorite parts of the trip. We ate Malasadas at Leonards, Poke from a few food trucks, Loco Moco from Rainbow drive thru, and lots of Shaved ice from Matsumotos in North Shore and Ululanis in Waikiki. We rented a car and spent a whole day exploring north shore. We went to Shark cove, to look at fish in the tide pools which was so cool. It was raining a little, and felt so calm floating in the tide pools together. My mind drifts to that peaceful memory, looking towards the green lucious island as we floated in the tide pools warm water and listend to the gentle fall of the rain...sigh. We spent time basking at the beach, swimming in the water eating Poke and Sushi under the palm trees. We visited Turtle beach and watched the Sea Turtles on the beach and then return to the Ocean in time to watch the beautiful sunset over the ocean on our last in Hawaii. This was truly a dream vacation. I love traveling with Mark, we have so much fun adventuring together. Can't wait to visit more dreamy places with him in the years to come.

September-- We celebrated Marks 38th birthday and our 15 year anniversary. October-- This is usually my favorite month. We prepare for Halloween, the weather is getting cooler and we know the best of the holiday season is on its way. This year felt a little different. I had been having some dizzy spells, major fatigue after working out and panic attacks off and on since June, usually following intense workouts at the gym. I had been minimizing my effort at the gym just to be safe, and seemed to be having them less often. Told my doctors about them, the gyno gave me hormone replacement therapy without testing my hormones first and my pcp perscribed me an antidepressent and said all my labs looked fine. So the first week of October, I decided to push hard in a rowing squat workout (which I killed at), but on the drive home I got extremely dizzy and tired. I tried to pick up lily from lifting but on the way home I could not complete the drive and Mark had to pick us up (actually the third time he's had to do this). When I got home I was so exahusted that I felt like I was moving in slow motion. I have never felt fatigue like that before. I slept for three days straight, only getting up to use the restroom. I decided to take the HRT perscribed by my gyno, and it made my panic increase, I felt like I would burst out of my body from the anxiety I was feeling. I remember Mark dropped Lily and I off at Barnes and Noble to meet some friends and feeling so nervous, like I wanted to cry in fear because Mark was not there and we were all alone. I did not feel like myself, it was a very strange feeling. The next day my heart rate while sleeping went from 45 to 135 within seconds, shooting me out of bed like a rocket. I went to the emergency room becuase I thought I was having a heart attack. They checked my heart, all labs came out healthy. I went home and decided I should take the antidepressent med becuase maybe I'm just having more severe Panic attacks (which I've always had sporadicly thru my life). Still fighting extreme fatigue, brain fog and diziness, I spent most of my time sleeping in bed. Mark had to work from home to watch the kids and do all the things I did not have the energy to do...it was hell. One morining, I switched sleeping sides in bed and my heartrate jumped all the way to 165! I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest! We went to the emergency room (again). This time felt a little different as I also had tingling on my left side and face. So they did a stroke alert which was terrifying cause they have an alarm going off in the ER and everyone is looking at you. They did a CT and MRI, blood work, EKG and everything was healthy. Sometime in the days following, I had another visit to the ER cause It thought I was dying and everything came out clean, again. I felt like I was losing my mind. Very scary, dibilitating, embarrasing and made me feel completely helpless. I also felt like a huge burden to my poor husband who had to work, and do everything else in the home while I stayed in my bed, just hoping my heart rate would stay normal. Everytime I would get up to do something, like shower or go to the bathroom, my HR would escalte over 130, I'd get dizzy and need to sit down quickly. I was constantly checking my heart rate, taking my blood pressure and even bought a glucose meter to make sure I wasn't diabetic. Mark was wonderful caring for everything, never complaining and making sure the kids did not miss out of activities and fun Halloween stuff. I got lots of pictures and texts from him when they'd go out, so I could see they were having fun, but all I could do was cry and ask Heaven to heal me. I remember praying one afternoon (as I usually did) after reading about Christ healing the Nephites when he visited after his death. I cried and pleaded for him to help me. Repeatedly I pleaded 'help me please'. Finely I stopped speaking in order to listen. The reponse? 'Trust the body I created for you, trust my grand design.' Then I started to sing a tune, 'everything is gonna be alright, no matter what your going thru, no matter what I put you thru, everything is going to be alright.' I felt peace in that momment, took a shower, walked out to the TV room and waited for my family to come home. After that day, I visited a Naturpath MD and a Cardiologist. My Naturpath has made all the difference. She is such a wonderful doctor, never once made me feel like this was all in my head. We found that my estogen was way higher then it ever should be. My adrenals are barely functioning normal, I have high cortisol and thru her and an amazing hematologist, I also have Genetic Hemachromatosis which I'd never heard of before! So all these things, have been making my body feel wacky. I've been taking proper supplements to assist in bringing these hormones to level and had a phlebotomy two weeks ago for the hemochromatosis. The Cardiologist visit was great too cause it gave me peace of mind. Everything about my heart is healthy after doing all the test available. I also had a sleep study, no sleep apnea (never thought I did, that was my PCP's theory). So at least I know. Since meeting with my NMD, I have been feeling better. It's taken till now for me to feel like I am going back to my normal, I can drive again which is great, and I don't panic everytime Mark leaves me with the kids alone. I have also taken on a love for meditation and do this daily. I have had some very touching spiritual experiences while doing guided meditation, and feel that everyone should do this daily practice. I have learned a lot of life changing lessons from all of this. The lord asked me to trust his design, trust the body he created for me. I have always felt such seperation from my body and my spirit becuase my body is not what i'd like it to be superficially. I have been so focused on changing it to look more appealing with intense exercise, diets and talking to myself in such a way that is abusive. My poor body has endured so much stress and hate, I feel shame for the way I've treated it. I needed to learn love and acceptance, respect and gratitude for this body, which is tied to me forever. My spirit and body are one, they always have been. The lord loves our bodies so much that he wants us to be reserrectd and reunited with them in the end. They are important. Just as important as my spirit. Each morning, I have been telling my body how grateful I am that we try to do our best everyday. And how much I love our team. It has been very healing for me. I have also learned to be grateful for my community of friends, for those who checked up on me when they noticed i'd dissapeard because I didn't want to burden them with my issues. They showed up, checked in and showered me with their love and concern. I am learning to be a better friend becuase of them. I also have an increased love for my family. My mom who drove her little 71 year old self each week to releave Mark and to care for me. I have such an amazing mom, having her with me always made me feel better. My sweet kids who'd come and lay next to me to tell me stories of their days and just cuddle with me so I didn't feel alone. My amazing husband, who this past year I'd neglected in so many ways, he never faultered in his love for me. He did everything! And never complained, in fact, he found his love for cooking and made the best meals ever, earing him the best cook in the house award. So many things in my life that I took for granted, this experience magnifyed them and taught me to be more grateful and be more for others as well. My love for the savior increased and my heavenly father never left my side. I have taken more of an interest in knowing them, and the gospel of Christ that I have just idly been participating in. I truly want to be a disciple of truth and light, and to be more of a reflection of who Jesus Christ is and was. It's amazing how hard things can increase your faith. Christ has shown me thru this experience, how I have been doubting myself, that I haven't been trusting my capability to follow him and know that he will help lift me in my trials. I read a quote, 'Faith and fear both require you to believe in something you do not know is real, which one will you choose?' I have been fearing so much, and have not chosen faith. I am learning to replace my fear with faith/Trust. I was pondering on Peter walking on the water to Christ, when he falls into the water, Christ says to him 'Ye of little faith, why did thou doubt?' I always assumed that Peter had lost his faith in Christ. However I have been thinking about this and reflecting on my recent experience. Peter had faith in Christ, that is why he set out onto the water towards Christ, maybe the reason he fell is that he doubted his own ability to follow Christ. He took his eyes off him and doubted himself capable of walking on the water. Had he kept his eyes on Christ, he would have relied on his trust in him and not only on what he was capable of doing. With heavenly help, we are stronger. This, I am learning. So, that all was long, but I wanted to document my experience before I get to feeling too good and forget my history. I do not want to forget my trial of 2024. The kids did end up having a fun Halloween, Lily dressed up with her friends as Sigma from bungo and the stray dogs (an anemea show she's never watched), Jacob was Deadpool (also a show he's never watched) and Nacho was Darth Vader (I was supposed to be Palpatin...but oh well) and Mark was Mike Myers which is now a tradition. We also very sadly had to say goodbye to our sweet Aunt Teresa. She had been struggling for a few years with dying lungs due to valley fever. She was a tiny, strong and serviceful woman. We love her very much and will miss her thoughtfulness. After she passed, I was trying to locate all the pictures I had of her. I couldn't find very many of just her, but so many of her in the background, showing up and helping out at family events and get togethers. She was not one to demand attention, but she was always the one to help to make others feel loved. She was an amazing person. We visited her one last time back in August, feeling that this might be the last time. Hopeful that it wouldn't be. Jacob was actually the one who asked to visit her, he has had the hardest time with her passing, he cared for her very much. We used to laugh about how Aunt T would live forever because she had so much energy! She could chase and play with Lily and Jacob for hours. I will miss baking her apple pie, her sending me texts around Christmas time for our Christmas list and checking in to see how we are doing. Sometimes it'll hit me in the day that she is no longer with us, and it makes me feel so sad how sometimes life can seem so unfair. She fought hard to live and did not want to go. When she first got ill years ago, we thought she wouldn't make it. She however fought hard and managed to live two years longer, even leaving the hospital to live on her own. She was a fighter to the very end. We love you Aunt T, we miss you but know you are with your sweet Roger and we'll have lots to talk about when we see eachother again. So grateful for forever families.

Novemeber-- I was still in my funk of health, so our plans to go to Utah were ruiend. My sister suprised me one night by showing up at our front door the week before Thanksgiving! She last minute decided to drive with Ben to see me. It ofcourse made me cry. We meditated together, she went out with the kids and of course we talked alot. I have such an amazing sister, she is everything I wish to be. She is so full of love and light, never second guesses herself and lives with such passion. Truly the best. Thanksgiving was wonderful, I was actually able to cook the dinner and Mark bought a smoker for our turkey, which was the best Turkey we'd ever eaten. My brother Gary also came to our house which was so wonderful to be with him. We always have such insightful conversations together and Mark likes to have a Golf partner. It was so fun to host Thanksgiving at our house. December-- I was feeling loads better after getting onto the proper supplements, I was even able to go to Lilys NAO finals in Tucson! We had so much fun cheering her on as she swept gold in each of her lifts, 6 for 6 compleation! She is so strong, and is always having a blast at every meet. The announcer even said 'If there was an award for the happiest lifter, you'd earn it.' Christmas time was full of fun. We visited lots of christmas light displays, did all the traditional sunday christmas movie nights and started watching the Chosen together each sunday as a family, which we love that show. The boys really enjoyed all the crazy things the elves did (tricky, candy cane and snoop dog). Lily is getting older, therefore was not as in to it. It was kind of a weird transition year for her, growing up while still wanting to be a child is hard. Poor sweetie. Christmas eve we did the traditional tamales/empanadas dinner with family and then Christmas day Santa came and got them everything they wanted. Lily got a bike so she can have more freedom to go around the neighborhood, Jacob a Scooter and Nacho a bike as well. These kids got the message they need to play outside more. We went to Tucson Christmas day to spend with the moms and stayed at my moms house for a week while Mark golfed in Mesquite with Uncle Kevin, Carlos and Juliean. We had a wonderful Christmas! New Years eve my Dad came to visit, which it was nice to spend time with him since we only see him once a year now. Overall we had a wonderful holiday season, and a good end to 2024.