Begin Again 2014

We are about to say goodbye to 2013, and as I reflect on the year I can't help but think of all of the many things that have happened in such a short amount of time.
 We started the year celebrating Lily's 1st birthday, family vacation to San Diego and me competing in a weight loss competition. Weddings and family reunions made for some good memories. Goals were accomplished, mark and I completed our first 5k and cross fit competition and he managed to get enough scholarships to pay for most of his schooling. Then there were the sad moments of the year, marks grandmother having to go to nursing care, us having to move to take care of her home, the family medical scares which never seem to cease and me breaking my foot to end the year. A lot of up's, and plenty of downs. I don't know if I hate or loved 2013, but I can say I'm glad to begin a new one.

2014 brings some hope, Mark will be graduating with his bachelors and beginning his masters program. We are in a new home and new ward, change is good. Plenty to look forward to, and I'm excited to begin again along side my little family. I know life is in the lords hands, I just hope its in our favor.

2014 Resolutions:

Family Goals

• Switch to eating organic and free range foods
• Complete another 5k as a family
• Purchase a new bed
• Pay tithes
• Be diligent in home teaching and visiting teaching
• Attend the temple
• Share gospel with others

Andrea Goals

 

• heal without having surgery
• Eat clean
• Exercise 3-4 times per week
• Participate in another cross fit competition
• Cut hair super short
• Celebrate the dirty 30
• Go on a trip with mark
• Potty train lily
• Be more social, make effort to spend time with friends

Mark goals
- do 3 days per week of 2x in the gym
-practice at the range at least three times per week
-graduate in May
-talk to more firm reps
--tweak resume and apply to internships
-eat perfect until Superbowl and then 90\10 the rest of the year.
-win a golf tournament
-play in at least five tournaments.
 

Lily Goals
I asked lily what her goals are and she said 'i don't know', so I guess I'll write them for her.

• Potty train
• Candy and Gum detox (this is mainly for her Amma)
• Shoot hoops
• Get my first haircut
• Celebrate 2yrs
• Learn to swim
• And be happy

Christmas 2013

This Christmas was a little different, but we still had a great time. Usually we have both families together to celebrate, but due to some of our family being in the hospital, it was just the Hortons this year. Christmas eve, both mark and i worked, which took away from my Christmas mood. I felt like a total scrooge and still felt down about my foot. Luckily my parents and husband are amazing and helped me realize that my attitude needed to change for Lily. This was all for her and not for me! That really made things better. Santa came for Lily, she is still very little and trying to figure out this whole Christmas thing, but it is fun to start our little traditions and see lily enjoy them. I love my little family and am so grateful for the joy they bring into my life. Merry Christmas!

                                     

Humbled

I decided to stay home from work today. Which if anyone knows me, I HATE to call in sick and miss a day of work unless it is a planned vacation. I've been trying to go about everyday business despite my knee and foot being injured, but the past few days my leg has been cramping. I know, it's because I am stubborn and not resting. So, since I am bored at home, thought I'd blog about my 'learning experience'.
This is the first time (other then when I was 3 and broke my collar bone) that I have broken a bone. I'm a pretty careful person, so accidents don't usually happen to me. It has thus far been a very frustrating and yet humbling experience.
I know that heavenly father had no part in my accident as I do not believe he would want me to get hurt...however, I do believe he is glad I had this experience to humble me. I hate and yes, I mean H-A-T-E asking others for help or for others to go out of their way to help me. Since getting injured, anywhere I go there is someone saying, 'do you need help with that'? Most of the time I want to tell them, please ignore my existence, because it embarrasses me. I do not like attention, I'd rather be invisible. And I enjoy helping others, but not being helped because I can do it all on my own...well, not so much right now. So, here are a few experiences of receiving service from others.
Tuesday I went to work for the first time, every time I got up to get something or tried to walk around the building I'd hear 'oh, poor Andrea' or 'Andrea let me help you with that'...I hated it and left work crying to Mark because I was so embarrassed. Then we arrive at the grocery store, where I told Mark I would wait in the car for him while he shopped because I refused to ride in a motorized cart. I had already been humiliated all day, did not need any more self pity. Five minutes later, I see Mark coming back to the car followed by a grocery clerk riding a motorized cart. 'your chariot awaits my dear' Mark says with a grin on his face...I was mortified! After riding the cart around the store for a while, it started to become funny. Mark and I had a good laugh and I was able to shop. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. And when I look back at the sweet employees who helped me throughout the week, I'm very grateful for their kind hearts to see that I was not able to do these things on my own and will admit, I needed their help
Since I had not purchased any Christmas gifts, I was stressing about how I would get this done by Christmas. Tina brought over a transport wheelchair and watched Lily so my Mom and I could go shopping and my mom could push me around the Mall (since there are no wheels on the sides for me to push myself). This was yet another extremely embarrassing moment for me. It must have been a pretty funny site to see a little tiny woman, pushing a woman two times her size around in a wheel chair. At one point while we were standing (me sitting) in line, my mom was making the chair dance, she is so funny. I was able to complete my shopping with the love and help of both my moms. I am very grateful for them...they even cleaned my house! What would we do without mommies?
Then there is the overall service from Mark. I feel terrible that he has to take care of me, lily, work and focus on his final exams for school. Despite all he has to do, he has not complained once! I was having a little melt down the other day apologizing to him for getting hurt and making him go out of his way to help me, his response? 'I love to help you, it makes me happy. You always take care of us, now I get to take care of you'. I love him.
Still have one more week until they check my foot again, praying they will not need to do surgery. Luckily I will have the 25th thru the 2nd off so I can rest my foot. I'm ready to be independent again. Life has interesting ways of teaching us humility. I am probably one of the most prideful, stubborn and  impatient people I know, and I did need this experience to teach me, you are not less of a person because you need others to serve you...it's what makes us appreciate those who are around us and allows others to be like the savior. I have no reason to complain, as there are others who have it a lot worse then me and my measly broken foot...and now I have a greater appreciation for those who are physically disabled and manage to live their everyday lives without feeling sorry for themselves. I've also learned that there are not very many places that cater to disabled individuals, which is wrong...that needs to change.

Ladders are Cursed

Remember that time I tried to do something good and ended up not being able to walk properly for two weeks?
Yesterday afternoon I offered to put up my mother in law Tina's Christmas lights. She has been through a lot these past few months and has no time to do anything for herself. So, thought I'd bring her some Christmas cheer. I got up on a ladder to put up her lights on top of her house. The ladder was leaning against the house, I only had a quarter of the roof left to go...and slip! The ladder slipped off the house going downward towards the ground with me on it. It was about a six foot drop according to Tina. It happened so fast, I had no time to react. I don't remember falling, only landing. When I landed, Tina told me not to move which wasn't a problem because I was in shock about what had happened and just wanted to focus on calming my breathing. I could see blood falling fast to the floor from my face. First thought? I hope I still have my teeth. Once my tongue confirmed they were still in tact, I thought that I must have broke my nose due to all the blood which vainly, made me worry about what my face may look like (silly). Tina called for Mark, I could tell when he came out and saw me on the ground he was really scared. I had to tell him I was ok, but I was kind of worried I may not be due to Tina's reaction. They flipped me over 'like a log', asked me if I was hurting any where and if they need to call the ambulance, honestly I felt fine. Tina asked me what day it was, which stumped me, couldn't remember if it was the 14th or 15th...which I guess was good enough to know I was ok. They walked me into the house and covered me in frozen veggies. Head to toe, covered in bags of peas and corn, so it was pretty cold. I thought all the precautions were pretty silly considering I felt fine. A little sore, but felt I could walk back outside and finish the lights. My lip was cut pretty badly from hitting the ladder and my nose looked like Rudolphs, but all things considered I pretty felt good.
Finally, time for me to get up off the couch and see how I felt walking...that's when I felt some pain. My foot hurt when pressured was applied, so following Tina's advice, we went to urgent care and got an x-ray. Again, I felt pain, but not enough to think anything was broken. Well, I was wrong. I have a small break in my foot, but fortunately it should be good in about two weeks as long as I don't walk on it. If I do walk on it, I could get a screw put into my foot (not good). I get to wear a pretty cool boot which makes me feel like a superhero, but I am still pretty upset. Nothing bothers me more then my independence being taken from me. I can't carry lily, I can't stand for long periods of time (cause both knees are sore) and I don't know how I'm going to maneuver around work this week. Plus I have to still do Christmas shopping! I can take the pain any day, but the inconvenience of having to use crutches and not being able to do cross fit has me pretty sad. Hopefully I will be good after the two weeks and don't have to wait to long before going back to the gym, but right now I wish I could rewind time and better assess the ladder before climbing up. I'm sure things could have been worse, and I should be grateful, but I still have the right to be annoyed, correct? Today was hard, but tomorrow will be better...maybe my arms and right leg will be stronger because of this? Power of positive thinking.
Lessons learned? You still need to be smart, even when doing service to others; Don't do manual labor on sundays; Gravity is pretty amazing; I have a high pain tolerance; and the human body is fragile. I still want to finish those lights though.
Mark said this will be a memorable Christmas...but I'd rather not remember :)

My classy footwear...I'm going to need to paint my toe nails

My mouth hurts the worst...I look stoned.

I'm going to tell people at work I do cage fighting on the weekends, then they will think I'm a bad ass instead of just a clutz

This is a good idea for next Halloween, frozen food section :)

Dealing with Me

 

 

I’ve been getting frustrated with Lily quite a bit lately. She is a toddler and as toddlers are, they are curious, clingy and get into EVERYTHING! I can’t blame her for being this way; she is no different then any other child her age.

Last Saturday I was working on packing our apartment to move to the house, so lots needed to get done. Lily was with me while I packed and it was becoming very difficult. Anytime I would walk into a room, she would follow. Lifting her hands, using her gestures for ‘hold me’. I’d begin to get frustrated and yell back at her ‘Not now! Mommy has too much to do!’ She would then cry, grab onto my legs and I would ignore her. She then began climbing on the kitchen table, take out items I’d boxed and throw them on the floor. I’d yell in frustration, ‘NO DON’T DO THAT, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT’?! I’d take her down off the table, she’d cry and again ask me to hold her for comfort. After this scenario repeated several times, I think i'd lost it, and I screamed…yes, you read right, I SCREAMED! ‘AHHHH! THAT’S IT, I’M DONE. NO MORE CRYING NO MORE PACKING!’ DO YOU WANT TO CUDDLE?!’ Lily, with big eyes looking up to me responded ‘yeah’ and again, in her little way, asked me to hold her.  I picked her up, got her a snack and we sat cuddling on the recliner together watching Spongebob. Then I whispered in her ear ‘is this what you wanted?’ Her response? ‘yeah’ then she gave me a kiss and we continued cuddling.

I am grateful for the constant reminders of the things that are most important. I did not need to panic over packing, we were not moving till Monday. What I needed to do was spend time with my little girl, who is patient and loving and whom I get so little time with due to working fulltime. Saturday’s are OUR day, not a day for busy work. Grateful for my lily and the lessons she teaches me…hope I’ve not scared her sweet spirit into thinking her mommy is crazy.  Though I’m sure she’d think that at some point.

 

Do you ever hate who you have become? Hate is a strong word…I guess I should say ‘dislike’. I’ve noticed lately a change in my personality from the me five years ago, to the me today. I am not as funny, light hearted and easy going as I once thought I was.

I asked mark the other day if he feels that I have changed since we’ve been married, his response was ‘no’, which was smart, yet I don’t believe it was honest. I KNOW I have changed.

I worry about pretty much everything. Just to name a few frequent worries that occupy my mind: personal health, finances, marks happiness in our marriage, my hair thinning, family, lily’s wellbeing, world issues, work and the lack of time to accomplish ANYTHING! I worry about these things to the point where I just want to give up and say ‘I don’t care’. But, I do care. I care about everything, which may be why I worry so much.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a weird dream, one where you are drowning in the ocean and do not know how to escape, but then you are able to pull away and see yourself drowning, only to see you are drowning in a glass of water and the issue is not as big as it seemed.  

Being human is difficult. Change is difficult, but it's especially hard to change something when you did not realize anything had changed. Does that make sense?