motherhood

I LOVE being a mother.
I remember when I was younger, around 14 when a doctor diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian disorder and told me I may not be able to have children. I was heart broken! I prayed constantly that I would some day be a mother, that the doctor was wrong. I even prayed to hear it during my patriarchal blessing, so I would have assurance that I would bare a child. I had such a deep fear of it, that it caused me to get very depressed. As I got older, I decided to tell myself that it may not ever happen, and that was ok with me.
When Mark and I got married, I told him that I may not be able to get pregnant. His response was a caring, 'then we adopt or just be us.' I was relieved to find someone who loved me enough to be ok with not having children of his own, as long as we had each other.
When I found out I was pregnant with lily, there was fear and disbelief. I feared the loss of a child and the pain of loss in the future if anything where to happen to that child both physically and spiritually. I cried very hard when I got pregnant and was scared, not happy.
Now that I have lily, I can not imagine existence without her.my desire for a child in my youth was because deep down I knew it would be spectacular. The lord did listen to my prayers to have a child and be a mother. She brings me more happiness then I could ever imagine. She is such a happy and amazing child! She makes me laugh and is sensitive to others feelings. When she says to me, 'i love you mommy.' I feel complete. I know that life is short, and often fear losing her or only being mother in this life for a short time. But no matter what happens, I will ALWAYS be her mother and she my daughter. She is tied to me eternally. I could think of no greater blessing in my lifetime then to be a mother. To care and nature someone as they grow. To have an impact on her life that will last forever.
My mother was my example. Strong, brave, loving and charitable. I always knew that we were her life and I never wanted to do bad things so I did not dishonor her. She sacrificed everything for us, every decision made was with her children in mind. I want lily to be raised knowing that I love her no matter what, and that I will always be there for her like my mom is for me. My mom did not have it easy and motherhood has been a hard journey. But seeing the joy in her eyes when she sees her kids and grandchildren, tells me it is all worth it. I love my mom.

Mothers day will always be a reminder to me that prayers are answered and we need to have faith because the lord understands our desires.