Raining

You know the saying, when it rains it pours? That’s pretty much how this year is going so far. Not to dismiss all the other wonderful things that have happened this year, but I’m just waiting for life to be normal again. Lots of personal stuff going on which leads me to say ‘what the hell 2014?!’

Past few months have been rough. Just to name a few...

June 4^th I found that water was coming up from the tiles in our kitchen floor. Someone came to look at it while I was at work and when I came home, my kitchen was gone. Looks like the sewer line burst, and there was a lot of water damage. That night we had to leave our house. Here we are, one month later and still not home. As generous as our family have been to let us stay in their home, I need to be in my own space. I can’t even walk around naked! The positive side, we get a new kitchen. I’m just desperate to go home.

Mark was born with a medical condition called WPW. It has only acted up twice his whole life, but this last time sent him to the hospital. It was very scary. He had an ablation surgery which was unsuccessful, so he has to have a second surgery on Thursday. Of course my mind goes to worst case scenario, and I’m kind of freaking out. I can’t imagine my life without Mark, and I don’t want to! I love him so much, I need him. I just pray the surgery is successful so he can go back to doing what he loves, and we can look forward to a potentially long life together. There is so much to look forward to in our lives, it can’t end this soon.

I’ve been unhappy with my job for some time now. My plans have been to endure it for one more year till mark graduates, and then stay home with lily. I have been presented with another job opportunity. Which is good, but it’s stressing me out. Be loyal to my current job for one more year? Or go to a new opportunity for only one year? I have tenure at my current job, friends and despite the issues, I know what I’m doing. Positive of this new opportunity, I know the head of the department, they are offering 10k more then what I get now and its new experience to add to my resume. What to do?! To some it’s a no brainer, but for me it’s a very hard decision. All I want is to be with lily, why can’t that be the option?

I have also been trying to re-lose the 20lbs I gained… it’s been difficult. I’ve jumped up and down 5lbs each week for the last 6weeks, and have gotten nowhere. I work out 4 to five days each week, and am so sore I can’t even lift my arms. Now, I will admit that I know why I’m not successful… it’s my ‘I don’t care anymore’ phases. I just love food. I love all food. I think about food almost all day (mind you I’m writing this while fasting). And I don’t think that will ever change. I was hoping the reason I’m gaining and not losing was because I maybe was pregnant, but I’m not that lucky. So how was I able to do it last year and not now? Is it the added stress? I curse the day I broke my foot, cause if that had not happened, I’d still be on track. I was doing so good. I am not reaching any of my personal goals this year cause 2014 just won’t calm down. I know...whoa is me.

I know things could be worse, but I know they could also get better. I cannot be in control of all aspects of my life and I don’t believe that if you are ‘perfect’ then you won’t have trials, life is no respecter of persons. I’m just praying the rain will stop and I can have my life back. Please, a little tender mercy would be nice?