The Caboose has Finally Arrived

The Caboose on our family love train has finally decided to make his or her apperance. We are pregnant with baby #5 (being that we lost two). Technically will be child number three if lord willing it stays a healthy pregnancy to delivery. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and so far everything looks good! Today I had my 12 week NT Ultrasound, baby is measuring 12 weeks/ 6 days, however they are keeping the original due date as August 26th. The baby had a heart rate of 156 bpm and was moving like crazy (another Jacob). I have a tilted uterus, so it was difficult for them the get a good image of him (we are feeling boy vibes, so it will be a him until confirmed it's a she). So the technician had to wiggle my belly, made me cough and move around until he moved to the side we needed him to be. HE WOULD NOT BUDGE! His hands under his chin and legs tucked nice and cozy up to my back. I then gave a good pelvis thrust and he threw up his fist and an elbow and moved. lol! I really think he's got a bit of an attitude already. Everything in the ultrasound looked good and healthy, hopefully it will stay that way. It gave my heart peace to see he was alive and well. I had a feeling I was pregnant around new years, not only cause I did not start my period in December, but i was just feeling really 'off'. I waited to do a pregnancy test until I thought i'd be 8 weeks pregnant, so I could see the doc right away. They gave me an ultrasound at 10 weeks and though I was feeling pregnant and sick, I still anticipated a false pregnancy due to miscarrages. Welp, not so much. I was emotional to see I had a little peanut growing inside me. This pregnancy so far has been difficult for more reasons then one. I have really bad nausea, heart burn and have lost about 10lbs. So physically this feels exactly like my pregnancy with Jacob. The smell of meat makes me want to vomit, and I hate the smell in my house! The smell of my new car has made me throw up a few times and I can't even cut cucumbers for the kids lunches cause I start to gag. Eating is a struggle. My doctor is worried I'm not eating enough protien, so shakes and yogurt will be my diet for awhile. I've had some cramping from time to time which ofcourse makes me worried, but my doctor says it may be due to stretching uterus and the way it is positioned right now.I have not been going to the gym regularly out of fear I may aggrevate something and too weak. With all this complaing of my physical symptoms, I am in the end so grateful I have them to reasure me that they pregnancy is moving forward and still exsistant. I had no symptoms of pregnancy with my last two miscarrages, so this helps me know we are on the right path. Of course I am still paranoid that I will miscarry the baby. I am in love with him even as a little alien looking creature, so to lose him would hurt so much. But my perspective has changed a bit since the last two. I know I have zero control over the outcome of this pregnancy. I can take my prenatals, go on walks, wear the compression socks and eat all the nutritious foods I can, but if the baby does not go to term, I had absolutly no control over that. It'll be what It'll be is what I keep repeating to myself. I am apprehensive about the outcome of this pregnancy, maybe cause I know miscarage, still birth and disabilities are a harsh reality, but they have happend to so many people close to me. I'm a pretty big pesamist, but all I can do is go forward with this ride, no matter where it takes me. I can pray for a positive outcome, but I know that Heavenly Father would not make my baby live just because I wish it. If it is not his will or if nature will not allow it to be so, I need to accept it and move forward with my life. I have hope, and faith that the outcome will be what it will be. So, here we go, fingers crossed and for right now I will keep positive. I had a dream the other night that we had a baby boy. He was around 6 months and looked exactly like Mark when he was a baby. Chubby, curly hairs in the back of his head and light green eyes like Mark. He was driving Lily and Jacob crazy knocking down their art supplies and Lego's saying 'NO! WE DON'T DO THAT!' lol! He would just laugh about it. Then I picked him up and we bounced him chanting 'one of us! one of us!' It was a funny dream, but one that made me feel peace. I was happy to have had that dream. After my first ultrasound, when I heard his heartbeat, I thought 'you returned back to me' as I thought about the first baby i'd lost. That may be cheesy thinking, but it's a possibility, right? Who knows. The kids both know and are so excited. Both disifered the code words Mark and I were using and guessed I was pregnant. Lily hopes it's a girl of course and Jacob a boy. They ask about the baby all the time and can't wait for it to be born. Jacob cuddles and kisses my belly all the time, he is so excited to be a big brother. Lily is already talking about how overwhelmed she'll be babysitting two sibilings someday...at least she knows it's coming. 6 years is a big gap between my last two, but we feel like it'll be wonderful cause they are more excited about the outcome and helping with the baby. This baby is going to be spoiled by his older siblings! I am considered high risk cause I'm over 35 now, which means I'll get some more in depth looks at the baby, so that is kind of cool. I am grateful for another chance to bring a sweet spirit into our family again. I've been thinking we've had a third child for too long, and I am excited to meet him. I just want the days to go fast, the pregnancy to go smoothly and him to be healthy. OH, and to not catch the COVID-19 virus in the process...oye.