By Comparison...

ooooooooooommmmmnnnnnnbbbbbbbvcfdxaqewrtyo] (This is Jacobs journal entry contribution) We have arrived to the 16th week and the 4th month completed of pregnancy. Are we out of the woods yet? I sure hope so. I went to my 16 week apt. today, fetal heart beat 154 bpm, and my uterus is to my belly button thanks to my short torso. So far baby and I are doing well. But let me tell you, by comparison to my other two pregnancies, I'm feeling this one alot stronger. I feel very similar to how I felt with Jacob, lots of nausea, feeling weak and overall crappy. I lost about 10lbs, but slowly gaining some back. However with Jacob I was able to do some crossfit time, and definitlty by second trimester was back in the gym. This time, no way. Whenever I start to lift or do a 'workout' type excersise, I get pain in my shoulder or hip and get tired really quick. I was having some cramps that concerned me, so I laid low for a while and decided I needed to place crossfit on hold till after baby. So, my excersise is a 20-30 min walk a day or just doing chores around the house. I hate it. My doctor said it would feel harder this time around. I feel so old. I see ads for pregnancy and the moms in the ads are all cute young moms who look like my 20 yr old neices, and then their is me with more grey hairs everyday and look like i've had my soul sucked out from my body with all these bags under my eyes. Yikes. Maybe I have more time to think about my symptoms now that I stay home full time. Lily and Jacob I worked full time and did not have idle time to think about my aches and pains...at least this is Marks theory. He has been such a huge help, so grateful he is working from home so he can help me around the house and with the kids. I gag all the time, it's gotten better lately, but sometimes being in the kitchen brings me physical pain and occasionaly vomit. Hard to eat most days. Makes my anxiety crazy thinking I'm not doing enough to help my body to be strong and ready for labor. I've also been extra paranoid about DVT and Pulmenary Embolism like a crazy person. If I'm not walking enough, I'm going to get a blood clot cause I'm over 35. It's driving me nuts. I've been wearing compression socks everyother day, putting my feet up and examining my legs. Any ache in my calf I feel I start to feel paniced. Why am I so bonkers?! My doctor says I have nothing to worry about and don't even need to wear compression socks. But if I'm not doing anything at all it increases my chances, right? I can't control what happens with the babies health, but I can control mine...at least I like to believe so. With my usual anxiety, being over 35 and pregnant (which my OB reminds me every time that I'm old) and having lost two pregnancies, I feel like i'm losing my mind. I know I was paranoid with my other two, but not to this level. Geez. I've been feeling the little nugget move, just those cute little flutters from time to time. Still my favorite feeling in the world and always makes my heart feel peace. We are still getting boy vibes. We will have the Anatomy Ultrasound on the 31st, so I am really excited. I love ultrasounds. I'm a mess with nervousness before them, but once I see our little sweetie bouncing around, brings my heart so much joy and makes it all worth it. I keep dreading labor, and the unexpectedness of it all. The kids like for me to tell them their birth stories and they get all gushy when I get to the part of holding them for the first time and my heart feeling like it wanted to burst from all the love I felt for them. Man, labor sucks, but getting to hold them and see their beautiful faces makes this all worth it. I tell Mark how much I want to be put to sleep and wake up after August 19th to the moment I get to be out of the hospital with a good bill of health for both me and the baby and just get to enjoy us being their parent. I've been waiting for this stinker for some time, and at times felt that it would never happen. I'm super impatient and want to skip the next five months to be with them. I just pray baby is healthy, my body is healthy and we can have that happy ending. My heart hurts for those who did not get their happy ending. I never want to experience that agony and longing for the child you always thought you'd raise. I keep getting contacted by relief society asking how I'm doing and saying they have me in their prayers and it makes me paranoid as hell that something bad might happen. I'm far too latin. lol. So, I will continue to pray for guidance on how to take care of myself and the baby and hope that thier devolpment continues in a positive directions. (deep breaths) Covid Updates: I've been debating wether or not to get the Covid vaccine. Mark has had his shots, my mom too and it would be nice to feel a next level of protection from something that could potentially place me on a resperator if I as a pregnant women were to get sick. It just seems like the wiser thing to do. If I have the ability to decrease my chances of an adverse outcome from the virus, it's well worth any side effect the vaccine may give, right? I've been doing alot of research on the vaccine and it is actually really fasinating! It is an mNRA vaccine. Something they have been working on for decades but have not had the amount of human trials they have needed until covid hit and more people volunteered for trials. It is not a live virus vaccine. From what I understand, the vaccine has a protien coating the coats your cells and exchanges a gene code with the cells for the cells to recognize the covid virus. Then the cells are able to create the antibodies to give the body protection from severe outcomes if you were to be infected by the virus. Amazing. I am so pumped to see how this will effect future vaccines for Cancer, parkinsons and MS! Sorry, I went on a tangent. ANYWAYS I spoke to my OB about getting the vaccine and she advises getting it, but waiting till i'm in my last trimester so I have antibodies that will possibly transfer to baby through breast milk. BUT we are planning to go to Miami end of April for a babymoon, so it may be wise to get it before then? Right? Well, I guess I have to wait till it's my turn to recieve it anyways. It'll also be good so I can visit with family without being afraid they will get me sick. Cause we have family members who either don't agree with vaccination of any type or who are not sure about the covid vaccine. I can't force them to be cautious or to consider me in their decision, so I should probably do what I can to protect myself and the baby. Numbers have decreased, however there are new strains of the virus that they are worried about. And with spring break upon us, we will see how it goes. Some states (including Arizona) have decided to go to full capacity again in local businesses, so their is hightend risk there too. I still don't feel comfortable eating inside a restaurant or going to fun centers...just not their yet. Hopefully with more vaccinations there will be less hospitalizations and deaths. We are still doing as much as we can to stay safe, especialy now that I'm pregnant we need to be extra careful. We just hang out with family in Tucson occasionally and visit with friends outside. Most places still require masks, which are annoying but totally the right thing to do. Lily is still doing online school but will go back with Jacob in July. Hopefully by then it will be safer for them to be in school. We had to miss Sarah's wedding this week because of the risk of exposure. It being in an indoor venue and the amount of guests who would be there was not a risk we were willing to take. Though I spent most of the day monday crying about missing her special day. I hate this virus. It's crazy to think it has been a year since our first lockdown. Feels like a lifetime ago! There is so much division amoung people. Those who don't take the virus seriously vs. Those who do. Causes alot of conflict amoung people who were once friends, it's crazy. Trump is gone, good riddens, Biden's rolling out the vaccines. Times are definitly divded, opinions are stronger then ever and honestly people make me feel naceous with their ignorance and stupidity...or maybe that's the prenancy?