Christmas 2013

This Christmas was a little different, but we still had a great time. Usually we have both families together to celebrate, but due to some of our family being in the hospital, it was just the Hortons this year. Christmas eve, both mark and i worked, which took away from my Christmas mood. I felt like a total scrooge and still felt down about my foot. Luckily my parents and husband are amazing and helped me realize that my attitude needed to change for Lily. This was all for her and not for me! That really made things better. Santa came for Lily, she is still very little and trying to figure out this whole Christmas thing, but it is fun to start our little traditions and see lily enjoy them. I love my little family and am so grateful for the joy they bring into my life. Merry Christmas!

                                     

Humbled

I decided to stay home from work today. Which if anyone knows me, I HATE to call in sick and miss a day of work unless it is a planned vacation. I've been trying to go about everyday business despite my knee and foot being injured, but the past few days my leg has been cramping. I know, it's because I am stubborn and not resting. So, since I am bored at home, thought I'd blog about my 'learning experience'.
This is the first time (other then when I was 3 and broke my collar bone) that I have broken a bone. I'm a pretty careful person, so accidents don't usually happen to me. It has thus far been a very frustrating and yet humbling experience.
I know that heavenly father had no part in my accident as I do not believe he would want me to get hurt...however, I do believe he is glad I had this experience to humble me. I hate and yes, I mean H-A-T-E asking others for help or for others to go out of their way to help me. Since getting injured, anywhere I go there is someone saying, 'do you need help with that'? Most of the time I want to tell them, please ignore my existence, because it embarrasses me. I do not like attention, I'd rather be invisible. And I enjoy helping others, but not being helped because I can do it all on my own...well, not so much right now. So, here are a few experiences of receiving service from others.
Tuesday I went to work for the first time, every time I got up to get something or tried to walk around the building I'd hear 'oh, poor Andrea' or 'Andrea let me help you with that'...I hated it and left work crying to Mark because I was so embarrassed. Then we arrive at the grocery store, where I told Mark I would wait in the car for him while he shopped because I refused to ride in a motorized cart. I had already been humiliated all day, did not need any more self pity. Five minutes later, I see Mark coming back to the car followed by a grocery clerk riding a motorized cart. 'your chariot awaits my dear' Mark says with a grin on his face...I was mortified! After riding the cart around the store for a while, it started to become funny. Mark and I had a good laugh and I was able to shop. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. And when I look back at the sweet employees who helped me throughout the week, I'm very grateful for their kind hearts to see that I was not able to do these things on my own and will admit, I needed their help
Since I had not purchased any Christmas gifts, I was stressing about how I would get this done by Christmas. Tina brought over a transport wheelchair and watched Lily so my Mom and I could go shopping and my mom could push me around the Mall (since there are no wheels on the sides for me to push myself). This was yet another extremely embarrassing moment for me. It must have been a pretty funny site to see a little tiny woman, pushing a woman two times her size around in a wheel chair. At one point while we were standing (me sitting) in line, my mom was making the chair dance, she is so funny. I was able to complete my shopping with the love and help of both my moms. I am very grateful for them...they even cleaned my house! What would we do without mommies?
Then there is the overall service from Mark. I feel terrible that he has to take care of me, lily, work and focus on his final exams for school. Despite all he has to do, he has not complained once! I was having a little melt down the other day apologizing to him for getting hurt and making him go out of his way to help me, his response? 'I love to help you, it makes me happy. You always take care of us, now I get to take care of you'. I love him.
Still have one more week until they check my foot again, praying they will not need to do surgery. Luckily I will have the 25th thru the 2nd off so I can rest my foot. I'm ready to be independent again. Life has interesting ways of teaching us humility. I am probably one of the most prideful, stubborn and  impatient people I know, and I did need this experience to teach me, you are not less of a person because you need others to serve you...it's what makes us appreciate those who are around us and allows others to be like the savior. I have no reason to complain, as there are others who have it a lot worse then me and my measly broken foot...and now I have a greater appreciation for those who are physically disabled and manage to live their everyday lives without feeling sorry for themselves. I've also learned that there are not very many places that cater to disabled individuals, which is wrong...that needs to change.

Ladders are Cursed

Remember that time I tried to do something good and ended up not being able to walk properly for two weeks?
Yesterday afternoon I offered to put up my mother in law Tina's Christmas lights. She has been through a lot these past few months and has no time to do anything for herself. So, thought I'd bring her some Christmas cheer. I got up on a ladder to put up her lights on top of her house. The ladder was leaning against the house, I only had a quarter of the roof left to go...and slip! The ladder slipped off the house going downward towards the ground with me on it. It was about a six foot drop according to Tina. It happened so fast, I had no time to react. I don't remember falling, only landing. When I landed, Tina told me not to move which wasn't a problem because I was in shock about what had happened and just wanted to focus on calming my breathing. I could see blood falling fast to the floor from my face. First thought? I hope I still have my teeth. Once my tongue confirmed they were still in tact, I thought that I must have broke my nose due to all the blood which vainly, made me worry about what my face may look like (silly). Tina called for Mark, I could tell when he came out and saw me on the ground he was really scared. I had to tell him I was ok, but I was kind of worried I may not be due to Tina's reaction. They flipped me over 'like a log', asked me if I was hurting any where and if they need to call the ambulance, honestly I felt fine. Tina asked me what day it was, which stumped me, couldn't remember if it was the 14th or 15th...which I guess was good enough to know I was ok. They walked me into the house and covered me in frozen veggies. Head to toe, covered in bags of peas and corn, so it was pretty cold. I thought all the precautions were pretty silly considering I felt fine. A little sore, but felt I could walk back outside and finish the lights. My lip was cut pretty badly from hitting the ladder and my nose looked like Rudolphs, but all things considered I pretty felt good.
Finally, time for me to get up off the couch and see how I felt walking...that's when I felt some pain. My foot hurt when pressured was applied, so following Tina's advice, we went to urgent care and got an x-ray. Again, I felt pain, but not enough to think anything was broken. Well, I was wrong. I have a small break in my foot, but fortunately it should be good in about two weeks as long as I don't walk on it. If I do walk on it, I could get a screw put into my foot (not good). I get to wear a pretty cool boot which makes me feel like a superhero, but I am still pretty upset. Nothing bothers me more then my independence being taken from me. I can't carry lily, I can't stand for long periods of time (cause both knees are sore) and I don't know how I'm going to maneuver around work this week. Plus I have to still do Christmas shopping! I can take the pain any day, but the inconvenience of having to use crutches and not being able to do cross fit has me pretty sad. Hopefully I will be good after the two weeks and don't have to wait to long before going back to the gym, but right now I wish I could rewind time and better assess the ladder before climbing up. I'm sure things could have been worse, and I should be grateful, but I still have the right to be annoyed, correct? Today was hard, but tomorrow will be better...maybe my arms and right leg will be stronger because of this? Power of positive thinking.
Lessons learned? You still need to be smart, even when doing service to others; Don't do manual labor on sundays; Gravity is pretty amazing; I have a high pain tolerance; and the human body is fragile. I still want to finish those lights though.
Mark said this will be a memorable Christmas...but I'd rather not remember :)

My classy footwear...I'm going to need to paint my toe nails

My mouth hurts the worst...I look stoned.

I'm going to tell people at work I do cage fighting on the weekends, then they will think I'm a bad ass instead of just a clutz

This is a good idea for next Halloween, frozen food section :)

Dealing with Me

 

 

I’ve been getting frustrated with Lily quite a bit lately. She is a toddler and as toddlers are, they are curious, clingy and get into EVERYTHING! I can’t blame her for being this way; she is no different then any other child her age.

Last Saturday I was working on packing our apartment to move to the house, so lots needed to get done. Lily was with me while I packed and it was becoming very difficult. Anytime I would walk into a room, she would follow. Lifting her hands, using her gestures for ‘hold me’. I’d begin to get frustrated and yell back at her ‘Not now! Mommy has too much to do!’ She would then cry, grab onto my legs and I would ignore her. She then began climbing on the kitchen table, take out items I’d boxed and throw them on the floor. I’d yell in frustration, ‘NO DON’T DO THAT, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT’?! I’d take her down off the table, she’d cry and again ask me to hold her for comfort. After this scenario repeated several times, I think i'd lost it, and I screamed…yes, you read right, I SCREAMED! ‘AHHHH! THAT’S IT, I’M DONE. NO MORE CRYING NO MORE PACKING!’ DO YOU WANT TO CUDDLE?!’ Lily, with big eyes looking up to me responded ‘yeah’ and again, in her little way, asked me to hold her.  I picked her up, got her a snack and we sat cuddling on the recliner together watching Spongebob. Then I whispered in her ear ‘is this what you wanted?’ Her response? ‘yeah’ then she gave me a kiss and we continued cuddling.

I am grateful for the constant reminders of the things that are most important. I did not need to panic over packing, we were not moving till Monday. What I needed to do was spend time with my little girl, who is patient and loving and whom I get so little time with due to working fulltime. Saturday’s are OUR day, not a day for busy work. Grateful for my lily and the lessons she teaches me…hope I’ve not scared her sweet spirit into thinking her mommy is crazy.  Though I’m sure she’d think that at some point.

 

Do you ever hate who you have become? Hate is a strong word…I guess I should say ‘dislike’. I’ve noticed lately a change in my personality from the me five years ago, to the me today. I am not as funny, light hearted and easy going as I once thought I was.

I asked mark the other day if he feels that I have changed since we’ve been married, his response was ‘no’, which was smart, yet I don’t believe it was honest. I KNOW I have changed.

I worry about pretty much everything. Just to name a few frequent worries that occupy my mind: personal health, finances, marks happiness in our marriage, my hair thinning, family, lily’s wellbeing, world issues, work and the lack of time to accomplish ANYTHING! I worry about these things to the point where I just want to give up and say ‘I don’t care’. But, I do care. I care about everything, which may be why I worry so much.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a weird dream, one where you are drowning in the ocean and do not know how to escape, but then you are able to pull away and see yourself drowning, only to see you are drowning in a glass of water and the issue is not as big as it seemed.  

Being human is difficult. Change is difficult, but it's especially hard to change something when you did not realize anything had changed. Does that make sense?

 

Giving Thanks 2013

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our families. Each year we have the opportunity to attend two dinners. One with the Ontiveros and the other with the Hortons. Needless to say, we eat A LOT. This year, was a little different. We ate at the rehabilitation center where Grandma O and Randy are staying. It turned out to be really nice, and it was wonderful to be able to spend it with them, especially because we did not think we would be able to. Lily enjoyed walking around the table, sitting with her aunts, cousins, grandparents and eating their food. She especially loved eating Zane's turkey drum stick!
Then off to the Hortons, we had dinner with my sister and her family who drove down from Utah. I love them and missed them a lot, wish we still had them near by. Andrew and Whitney joined us as well, so it was good times with the fam.
I decided to not go black Friday shopping this year and just enjoy a relaxing day with my family. We saw the hunger games which was amazing. Really low key day.
As always with this time of the year, your heart lingers on the things you are blessed with and ways you can give back to others. I can never express just how much I love my little family. Mark and Lily bring me so much joy, I cannot imagine how I ever or could ever live without them. I try not to think about them not existing in my life because it makes me sad, but how on earth did I live 25 years without them in my life?! I pray everyday that they are protected and kept from harm, cause to not have them in my life would end me. They are my greatest blessing, for them I would do anything.
Tomorrow begins packing up and moving out of our apartment into g-ma's house, not sure how long we will be there, at least 6 months, I'm pretty sad to leave our place. It is warm, cozy and feels like 'our place'. However, the more I allow the idea of leaving to sink in, the more I want to slap myself for mopping. As long as I have my little family, I can learn to be happy with wherever I am residing. Nothing else matters. Besides, should be nice to live in a house, right? Hopefully this decision will be a wise one.

Potty Talk

Had to snap a picture of her concentration on the potty...even with her diaper on.

 

I'm thinking Lily is ready to be potty trained. I figure this for a few reasons:

1. She hides when she needs to poop. Behind the couch, by a chair or runs into another room.

2. She takes interest in others using the potty.

3. She sits on her potty chair while I'm going potty and then will hand me toilet paper.

4. She takes off her diaper to roam the halls naked.

5. Her diaper is dry in the morning, and does not pee till she has her morning milk.

6. She says 'yuck' when she poops....

Funny story: Yesterday, Lily and I were taking a shower together, usually she plays in the shower while I bathe. I was busy washing my hair when I hear her say 'YUCK YUCK YUCK!' I laughed and asked her why she was saying yuck...looked down and noticed a nice little surprise, poop. At least she acknowledged it was gross.

So, I'm thinking we are ready to potty train. I don't want to be one of those moms who rush their child to potty train so they don't have to deal with diapers, but then again I don't want to ignore her signs  of 'readiness' and miss this chance.

It will be a bit of an challenge because I'm not with her during the day...so time to get the grandparents on board as well. My baby is growing up! :(

Halloween 2013

Halloween 2013 was a blast! Great way to end the month considering all that has happened.

We attended two trunk or treats and went house to house on the 31st. Lily is a trick or treating pro.

My work put together a trunk or treat for the kids, which turned out great. At one point we lost lily, which was scary, but she turned out by the jumping castle...my heart stopped only for a moment.

Then off to Vail ward trunk or treat. Had my car decorations up for about 20 minutes and then had to take them down because we ran out of candy. Mormons have to many children.

Halloween night. We got off to a late start (by my standards, we should have been out before the sun fell) but we still managed to get a good amount of candy. Most houses ran out of candy by 7pm. We pushed lily in her little red wagon, she chilled as we went house to house collecting goods. When we would get to a house, she would lean over, grab her candy pale and say 'awayt' (alright). Then with a smile she would walk up to the door and say 'tik twee'. She was lovin' it! The fire department was passing out glow sticks and lily wanted to see the fireman in the dog suit. she gave him a hug and kiss and then sat down on his lap eating her candy, while other little kids assumed her candy pale was free for grabs, provided by the fire department. It was pretty funny.

 

Mark and I were a little lame and did not dress up this year. I guess I was so caught up in Lily's two costumes, I did not figure out something for us. Next year, we will definitely need to dress up! I've already planned some ideas.

I've eaten so much candy today it is disgusting! So ashamed, but not ashamed enough to stop! I will recommit to healthy eating on Monday...and then live it up on Thanksgiving :) I have a whole life time to eat healthy...I'll enjoy these moments!

Lots of pics!



Love my Lollipop Princess

some of my favorite trunk or treat cars

Our car, I was the crazy pumpkin lady

The three scary HR ladies...I have great co-workers

Just Chillin'

The Pro