Snakes and Snails and Puppy-dogs' tails...‏

 Well, if you can't tell by the title, IT'S A BOY! Looks like the Chinese calendar and the old wives tales were right. And looks like my inner self was calling it 'he' and 'little guy' for a reason. We are very excited of course. We will now have a set, our salt and pepper, our fork and spoon, etc.
We had prepped Lily for the ultrasound appointment, so she could understand what we were looking at. I had shown her other ultrasound photos including her own so she new what to expect. When the baby came on the screen, she says 'ah! IT'S A SPACE ROBOT!' lol, she was kind of right.
When we started the ultrasound, I'd expected to have to wait a bit till the sonographer would tell us the gender. Right away she asks 'want to know the gender?', 'Sure!' was my response. With lily it took a while till she could tell us what it was, but not this kiddo, he was spread eagle. It was very clear, which is good. I won't be doubting it's a boy. Later in the parking lot, Mark and I were looking at the pictures, and I just had to make the joke to Mark 'honey, he's built like you!' lol! (I'm hilarious, I know).
Now what to call this child! We cannot find a boy name that both Mark and I agree on! He likes more sportsy cool names like Rey, and I like more traditional names like Noah or Eli. Guess we didn't have a name for Lily either until about a month before she was born...he will not go unnamed.
Mark is pretty excited, and now believes this can finalize our family. I'd beg to differ. Unless there are some future unforeseen circumstances why we would stop...we must grow. But we shall see.
So far everything looks good on the ultrasound. They placed me a week ahead of schedule so we will see if my OB changes the due date. I need to return for more scans since the boy was moving so much they could not get all the shots they needed. I was worried that he would be small due to my current diet, but he is now at 15 ounces! the Chunck! Now I know where all the fat in my body is going too!

We revealed the gender to our parents and grandma later that night. we wanted to do something fun since with Lily we had just called to tell them after the ultrasound, which was kind of boring. We told the grandparents that they would not find out until later that night, so to be to Mark's parents house by 6:30pm. Mark ordered a pizza from Papa Murphy's and asked them to write 'Boy' with pepperoni on the pizza. Then we would have the family wait until the pizza was done and they would see. Well...things don't always go according to plan as I've learned in life, so swung by Old Navy  after work to get lily some new clothes and picked up a piece of clothing for the little guy just in case we needed it for that night. I also realized how little selection there is for boys clothes! choices are blue or green and trucks or monsters...my kids already to cool for all that. lol

Fast forward to 6:30pm...Mark and I popped the pizza into the oven and we instructed the family that we would eat dinner first before sharing the gender. As we were talking with the family, Mark brought up the fact that the baby could possibly be born on my birthday. Then he started to say, 'Andrea would hate that cause she hates sharing her birthday already with fathers day (which is very true)! Then HE would hate having to share HIS birthday with HIS mom!' At that point, Tina looks at me with a wide eyed expression of 'I caught that!'...I quickly got up and walked to Mark in the kitchen, at that point he knew he let the secret out. OOPS, LOL! Poor guy. Luckily my parents and grandma were not paying attention to anything he was saying, so we knew we could still make it work. So, on the second pizza I wrote 'Girl' with the pepperoni. This way, we could take out the girl pizza first and place it on the pink table cloth to confuse them, and then bring out the boy pizza and tell them it is actually a boy. So, girl pizza comes out, drum roll, and we place it on the pink table cloth...well, looks like I'm not a pizza making artist and they had no idea what was written on the pizza! My mom finally said, 'it's a girl?' Still confused looking at the pizza, we bring out the boy pizza and place it on the blue table cloth, then I say 'nope, it's actually a lil' dude' and whip out the onsie I'd bought earlier in the day. They were pretty excited. Probably more excited to be done trying to figure out this confusing experience, but we had fun attempting to be creative. Not exactly how we planned it, but we tried. Next time we will keep it secret until the baby is born.
I'm nervous to have a boy, excited to have a boy and can't wait to meet him...actually I can wait another 19 weeks.

The ladies in our lives are definitely excited for the lil' dude.

Pizza says Boy

Took Lily out this weekend for her 3yr photo shot, thought we'd take the opp to take a few baby announcements photos as well.

Evidence of the boy

Was having a good 'bump' day at work. 20 Weeks

 

What Will 'IT' Be?

I've had two dreams that i'm having a boy. I feel that it is a girl. However, I keep calling the baby 'him' or 'little guy'.

The Ultrasound will be this Tuesday, so we will know after then. It’s always 50/50. Just pray the baby is healthy, which is more important then finding out the gender...but it's still fun to guess.

Chinese Gender Predictor:






Based on Old Wives Tales:

Looks like BOY is the winner according to El Internet. But, still feeling it's a girl.

Thoughts...Because sometimes I have them...

So, these are more or less thoughts I've had so far with this 2nd pregnancy. I don't think I was detailed enough about my pregnancy with lily, so I thought I would be this time for future reference if we ever have a third.

First, I want to preface this with, I love being a mom, pregnant and having the opportunity to have another child.

First thought, some people (they know who they are) have been negative about us having a second child. Saying, 'having a second child is SO much harder' or 'will you be getting your tubes tied after this one', 'you sure you want to do this' (what am I supposed to say? No i'm not, lets abort. Silly people). I think about a Jim Gafagin skit where he is talking about having four children, He makes the comment about with the first child, everyone is excited and throws parties. The second child, 'oh, that's nice', and after that it's pretty much 'have you lost your f-ing mind'? I'm starting to realize just how true that is! No one aside from Mark and I and my mom seem to be too excited about us having a second child. I'm sure it is just my perception, but it's what I've noticed. When I got pregnant with lily, I constantly had people asking how the baby was doing, that they were excited for us, wanting to know every detail of my pregnancy, rubbing my belly to talk to the baby...now nothing. Maybe that is a good thing, as that stuff always annoyed me, especially cause I was so worried my pregnancy would not be full term. And I guess it really shouldn't matter. As long as we are excited about it, who the hell cares what anyone else thinks? it's just making me a little more concerned about having a second child...though it shouldn't.

My first pregnancy with Lily was amazing, from what I can remember. I do not remember being in pain, uncomfortable or being scared for my physical well being. If anything, I felt that I could be pregnant forever. I never thought women were being dramatic for complaining about their pregnancies, I understood that everyone was different, I just knew I loved it. I try looking in my journals to see if I ever complained about pregnancy, and I only complained about throwing up in the beginning...but even that was nothing to me. This time around, though it is a different situation, I'm having a hard time. It may have nothing to do with the pregnancy itself. As I've written in previous post, I have gallbladder disease. which makes me concerned that something else could happen due to it's complications. Constantly paranoid I'm going to end up with pancreatitis or that my gallbladder will burst, it's left me feeling that this pregnancy will last forever. I've had to change my diet to all low fat or no fat in order to reduce my risk for complications to my gallbladder. Which I'm okay with doing and have been doing for the past three months just fine. I've lost a total of 15 lbs(does not include the fact I've gained at least 5 lbs pregnancy weight, so technically I've lost about 20lbs...I think). People comment on it like I should be excited or flattered that I've lost weight. Well, I'm not. If the circumstance was trying to live a healthy lifestyle and wanted to fit into a smaller size, then I'd be thrilled. But I'm not. I'm trying to prevent myself from having to go to the hospital and hooked to an IV. Besides, my belly looks swollen and pregnant, so I look now like humpty dumpty with a skinny face. All of this has made pregnancy a little tough. The nausea has been non stop, constipation is terrible, having to pee all the time sucks and now I've got flank pains which leave me puzzled as to what it could be and praying my pancreas is not going to blow. Is it baby related or gallbladder related is the question I get from family and co-workers when I'm feeling ill. And I have no idea how to answer! Surgeon blames it on pregnancy, OB blames it on gallbladder, but no one gives me any answers that satisfy my fears. Can you sense I'm frustrated?

My happiness when I'm feeling hopeless? The feeling of my little sweetie inside of me kicking. I've been feeling the babies movements for the past couple weeks, which have been wonderful. I don't feel them all the time, just every once in awhile. I have fears that my current condition will impact the babies health, though I'm told it will not, I cannot help but be concerned. Doctors visit this week put the babies heart rate at 160. I'm pretty sure it is a girl, which would be wonderful. It feels right. I can see her and lily being the best of friends. I just pray this pregnancy goes full term. Then again, it's not in my hands. I'm trying to do everything I can to keep the baby and myself safe. But sometimes I wonder if I should take the risk and have the surgery while I'm pregnant? What's the greater risk? Wait till after pregnancy or do it now? My OB seems to think it will be successful if I do it before 20 weeks and the baby should be ok. However the surgeon says there is no guarantee the baby will be okay if I do. I'm at a loss for what I should do. I feel that I should troop this out, do what the surgeon tells me and wait until after the baby is born. My gallbladder has not caused any pain since I've changed my diet, I've just felt some 'unknown' pains in my body which could be completely unrelated. I'm almost to the halfway point, and if I can make it this far, can't I finish successfully? I'm so angry with myself that I was not more aggressive with my first doctor when I suspected there was a problem...muscle strain my ass. Can't believe I fell for that. If I had said 'no, it is something else', then I would not have this worry now. There is nothing I can do to change what happened, just need to learn to listen to myself. I have till the second week of February to decide if I'll opt for the surgery, but as of right now, it's not worth risking the babies health...which is what I care about most. there have been times I thought if the pregnancy did not go to full term, it would make my decision a lot easier and I could get myself to a healthy state and try again. But then when I get concerned that the baby may be gone, I feel heartache. Heavenly father wanted this spirit to come to our family at this time, and it will be up to him as to what happens. I just need to continue to do my best to live well and take care of myself.

 

Is it just me, or is something in the water? So many women are pregnant right now! Out of my friends, there are about ten of us with due dates between May and July. Guess September and October were busy months. :) Random thought, I know.

 

Thinking about the sex of the baby. We should have the ultrasound sometime after the 9th.  I have a feeling that it is a girl, which would be very convenient. I have all the clothes, toys, décor that I can use for baby #2, but they are all for girls! If it was a boy, I'd have to start from scratch. Unless I decide to not place gender specific clothing on my child...not likely. We also have a girl name picked out, however boy names? There is not one that sways me. And mark and I just can't agree on a name. We discussed maybe naming the baby after Marks father, but I don't know. Every time we say the name, will it make someone sad? Maybe the middle name? Boy names are hard! Hopefully i'll get my wish and it will be a little girl...then again it would be nice to be finished having children and having a boy would make that decision easier.

 

10 Things you don't say to this pregnant woman? I was reading an article on things you should not say to a pregnant lady, and I decided to come up with some of my own, based on this first 17 weeks. Which I'm sure will change as the pregnancy progresses. I know everyone means well, but dammit, THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!

 

1. 'I bet you hope it's a boy' (primarily to Mark): Actually, Mark really does not care. You see, my husband is easy going and all he wants is a healthy baby and a healthy Mommy. Whether it is a boy or a girl, makes not difference to him. This is one of the many reasons I love him. Me on the other hand (as detailed above) I'd prefer a girl for convenience, but will take a boy if that is what we are meant to have.

 

2. 'How much weight have you lost?': well, since I have no idea of how much the baby weighs, any answer would be a guess. So lets not make me do the math.

 

3. 'Are you still feeling nauseas?' or 'Are you feeling okay today?': I know you're just trying to be concerned, but asking that question actually makes me want to vomit more...then you'll know how I feel. And just because I feel 'okay' today, does not mean I'll feel 'okay' tomorrow.

 

4. 'I'm really glad I didn't have to go through that': Well, I'm happy for you too. So keep it in your mind from now on, okay? Thanks

 

5. 'Where is your baby bump?': Well, I'm only 17 weeks, so give it some time. I'm sure you're just trying to flatter me, but saying that is only making me worry more that my baby is not growing adequately due to my other issues. So please, don't make me panic. And besides, if this is not pregnancy making my belly look like this, then I'm pretty much a bloated air balloon and will be floating towards the sky at any time now.

 

6. Comparing me to anyone who may have been in a similar pregnancy as me (complicated). I really don't care what they did. I hate being compared to anyone, ever, in any situation. I am me, and this is my journey.

 

7. 'One was enough for me!': really, well it's not for me.

 

8. 'How do you think all this makes me feel?! (referring to the fact I feel like S*@#T): Really?! Last time I recall, you did not enter my body. Please, spare me the empathy.

 

9. 'You really need to stop doing those exercises': Yes, because exercise got me pregnant and f'ed up my gallbladder. This is the only thing that makes me still feel normal, if my OB is okay with it, so am I.

 

10. Is it because of the Gall bladder or the baby?': Seeing how my doctors don't even know, I haven't the slightest idea. So if you find someone who can tell me, then please let me know.

 

Pissy prego woman over here, I know...just want to remember what not to say to people someday when I'm acting like an expert.

 

Okay...you've been warned.

 

Many worries, many prayers, one god who knows how it will all turn out.

Holiday Fun

We had a wonderful holiday season this year. We had an opportunity to see an ultrasound of the baby Christmas Eve, which was a great way to start the holiday. Lily is becoming more aware of how much fun Christmas can be. I love being a parent and being able to enjoy Christmas thru her eyes. Even after Christmas was over, every time we would walk into the dining room where the Christmas tree is, she says ‘oooohhh wow! It’s christmas’. Lol! She loved all her presents from Santa, parents, grandparents and family. Not sure how many presents she will get next year having to share the holiday with another sibling, but if I know my daughter, it won’t matter to her. We had Christmas eve at the Ontiveros home and Christmas at the Horton home, with the families combining each day. We had a wonderful Christmas with family and were grateful to celebrate the birth and life of the Savior.

Mom and Lily Showing off the Bambino

 

Our baby announcement on Christmas Eve to our friends

Love my girls

Lily opening a present on Christmas Eve. She was excited about 'Go-Go'

The Loot from Santa

This girl loves surprise eggs!

Her Elsa doll from Grandma B

'I wonder what it could be?'

 

 

New year’s eve we had the opportunity to go to the Fiesta Bowl in Glendale. U of A played BSU. Mark and I had planned to go to support the Cats and were looking for tickets to the game. Before we could find reasonable tickets, Mark found out that the company he works for received four tickets from PING golf that no one would be using. So we got to go to the game for free! We thought they would be nose bleeds since they were free, but the seats were amazing! 20 yard line, 4 rows up from the field. We even got passes to the pre-game festivities which run $100 apiece. It was amazing! We took our moms to the game, and loved being able to share the fun with them. Unfortunately U of A lost, which was disappointing, but someone’s got to win and someone’s got to lose. We got back home around 11:00pm just in time to ring in the new year. As we entered into Tucson, we were welcomed by snow. We had a good time when we got home having a snowball fight with the family, drinking Sparkling Cider and celebrating the upcoming year.

Photo bomb!

Love being able to share this with Mark. Love him so much!

Mommy's first sporting event.

My little snowman

First photo of the new year

 

 

Lily was asleep and missed the nightfall snow, so when she woke up in the morning we were lucky enough to still have snow on the ground. We bundled up and went to the park to enjoy our time in the snow. I think she is definitely an AZ baby, cause she was not too excited about picking up the snow due to the coldness. She did however enjoy pretending she was ice skating.

Now for more photos:

 

Teaching her the ways of snow...eating it!

love my princess!

Creepy Arizona snowman, had rocks for eyes and pinecone for nose. lol

hovering over water

 

2014 Recap, 2015 Hope

2014 has been one of the craziest years for our little family so far. A lot of good and a lot of bad. At times I thought that every month in the year held an unfortunate surprise for us, I wondered where the bad luck was coming from. Had a broken foot to start off the year, we lost Marks father in March to his battle with Diabetes, Mark had two heart surgeries, we were out of our house for two months for repairs and I was diagnosed with Gallbladder disease…just to name a few happenings, a lot more did occur unfortunately. Despite the difficult things that happened this past year, we also had some pretty wonderful things occur. I got a new and better job, Mark graduated from U of A and started the master’s program, he was offered a job for after masters graduation, we had an amazing family reunion with the Horton’s and we received the news we would be blessed with a second child in the upcoming year.

 

As my anxiety rises thinking about what 2015 has in store for us, I can’t help but think about the savior speaking to the father in the garden, ‘nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.’ I’m always skeptical and nervous about the future. But what I need to continue to keep in mind, is I have zero control over what will happen in the year. The only thing I can do is have faith that my life is going down the path that has been laid before me. The cards I’ve been dealt. It is hard to not be hurt or disappointed when misfortune comes our way. But hopefully we can have the faith and peace knowing all in the will of the father. I pray that this year will be good to us. That as we approach some big life changes, like having another child, surgeries and moving to Phoenix, that we will be watched over, protected from harm and have the health we need to press forward. Here’s to a new year, and the hope it will be prosperous.

Little Ontiveros #2

 

Yup, we have been blessed with another stinker.

I am currently 13 weeks and 6 days along today, baby #2 will be due June 25-30^th 2015. We had the ultrasound for the NT scan today and this little sweetie was kicking and moving like crazy! At one point I wanted to ask the technician if my child was having a mini seizure. They also had their hands up by their face almost the entire time, had it’s dukes up to fight. We brought Lily to the ultrasound and right away she said, ‘it’s my baby sister’, so I guess that is our first gender prediction. Heart beat is 153 bpm, so my mom is convinced it’s a boy…but I’m feeling another little lady. This was a wonderful early Christmas present to see our baby today. Just pray it is healthy and continues strong.

So far this pregnancy has been a whole different feel then with Lily. Which I was warned it would be.

 How we found out we were pregnant was kind of a funny story…

 I have been feeling sick for some time, but have not been able to go to the doctor because my new employer insurance had not kicked in yet. So I was holding off on going to the doctor. The week before we found out the positive result, I had taken a pregnancy test to be sure I was not pregnant, because I was having all the symptoms. I took two tests, both stating a negative result for pregnancy, I felt I was losing my mind. What could it be that is making my body feel so terrible?! The following week, on Wednesday October 22^nd, I was feeling so sick, could not eat, feeling dizzy and I felt something was very wrong. So I decided to go to urgent care to see if maybe it was the flu or at least they could verify I needed to go to the hospital. The doctor reviewed my symptoms and asked to take a urine sample thinking it could be an infection. After taking the test, I went back into the room with Mark to wait for the doctor. Mark turns to me and says ‘what if you’re pregnant’? I laughed at his question and said, ‘there is no way in hell I’m pregnant. I’ve taken two tests already that have come out negative and I have not been ‘regular’ enough to get pregnant…’ just as I was finishing my sentence, the doctor walked in with a concerned look on his face, ‘well, there was no sign of infection…but...’ he comes to sit down in front of me (I was panicking at this point) ‘but you are pregnant.’ I began to cry. ‘oh my gosh…’ He then looks at me as I’m crying, ‘is this good news?’ ‘Yes! Great news! I’m just shocked right now.’ He congratulated us, and we left with our happy news…needless to say my appetite came back as soon as I had knowledge that a little person inside of me would be taking all my resources. That was the most expensive pregnancy test I’ve ever taken. Lol. And of course, I had to take another pregnancy test a week later just to make sure it was real and they did not mix my urine with someone else’s.

Unfortunately, the back pain and stomach pain kept returning, so I made an appointment with my GP the following week. After some ultrasound testing they determined I have multiple gall stones and my gall bladder needs to be removed…eventually. Luckily there is no infection, inflammation or mass in my pancreas. So in talking to my surgeon, she wants me to wait till after delivery of the baby and then we can remove the gall bladder. In the meantime I get to be on a strict low fat diet. Which I found out just in time for Thanksgiving/Christmas…no goodies for me. I’ve lost a total of 10lbs, which normally I’d be thrilled, but considering the growing belly, it only shows in my face.

Pregnancy so far…

This has been a rough first trimester. Constantly sick, no vomiting, only gaging and wishing I could vomit. Smells, even smells I once loved make me sick. I have only been working out once a week at the gym because I’ve felt too weak from my nausea. And I have not been able to tell anyone, so it looks like I’m wimping out when I choose not to use heavy weights or burpees. I don’t remember feeling this way with Lily. I did vomit well into my second trimester with Lily, but always felt better after. Then, I’m still the paranoid mess I’ve always been and think I’m going to have a miscarriage any day now (which reading through my entries about lily, I felt the same way). Or that my gall bladder is going to cause an emergency visit to the hospital putting the babies’ health at risk… I seem like a real downer right now, but that’s only because my body feels so terrible. We had a sonogram performed the 8^th week, and the heart beat was going 150 BPM, listening to that heartbeat is always a relief. I guess it’s up to the lord how this pregnancy will go, not me. All I’m asked is to endure well.

We are trying to help Lily understand that we are expecting, but it is hard for her since she does not even know where babies come from. She climbs on my stomach a lot which makes me nervous, so I tell her she is squishing the baby. She looks at me, says ‘its okay mommy’, then does her Witch Doctor moves by lifting her shirt, pretending to grab something from her belly and then lift my shirt and place her hand on my stomach. It’s pretty sweet, but not quite sure what it’s supposed to mean. My sweet little healer. She will be a great big sister.

 

All in all, we are thrilled and excited to invite another little sweetie into our family. We pray for a, healthy pregnancy and a safe delivery of a healthy baby human.

Now for Christmas! YAY!

Grateful

Grateful,

So, I’ve been a bit of a complainer this year. This year has really been a hard one. And lately all I do is complain about the horrible things that have happened this year, how my body is driving me crazy and how un-hopeful I am for the rest of this year. It’s really putting a damper on my family, my spirits and my overall faith.

I am creating a new goal for myself, be an optimist. It’s going to be really hard for my realist personality to do, but hopefully it will improve my quality of life in the long run. So, instead of taking the time to post about all that is wrong in our life right now, I’m going to write about all that is good. Someone once told me, we pay more attention to the car accidents on the road thinking driving is dangerous, yet we miss all the cars driving by without a scratch (something like that.)

I read an article this week, saying the most important attribute you can look for in a partner is for them to be an optimistic and hopeful person. Last thing you want is a total downer by your side when your doctor diagnoses you with cancer. This is why I am so very grateful for my husband. He is by far the most supportive and optimistic person I know. He has had a very hard year. From losing his father to having heart surgery, he never complains! Which does not mean he is not hurting inside. He is constantly thinking about others and not himself, though he has every reason to say ‘woah is me’, he always looks for the silver lining. He is such a blessing to me, and I need to be more like him. I need to be just as supportive, hopeful and optimistic as he is…because he deserves that kind of partner. 

I cannot tell you how many times a day I pray to heavenly father, thanking him for my beautiful daughter. How amazing is it that we have the chance to bring life into this world? And how amazing is it that we get to spend time with these humans, raise them, teach them and love them every day? AND how amazing is it that heavenly father trusts us to do so?! AMAZING! I love my daughter so much. She brightens my darkest days and gives me the courage to continue on, no matter the struggles. She helps me to take my mind off my anxiety and health concerns, with her laughter, funny conversations and her concern for me. Last night she helped me get over my stomach ache by giving me a raspberry on the belly. She knows how to make mommy feel better.

There are not very many working mothers in the world who have the luxury of free child care. My parents are awesome. They are always willing to watch Lily. Never too tired, never needing to do something else that is deemed as important, they are there for us. Lily loves spending time with her Amma and Grandpa, and I am so grateful to have my parents helping me to raise my sweetheart. Parents are wonderful for many reasons. Even if they could not watch lily every day, I’d still have a list of reasons why I love them. But them being able to watch lily, and my mom even works while watching her, is such a huge blessing.

I often complain about how hard it is to be a mom, wife and full time working woman. I do wish I could be a stay at home mom. But alas, that is not my life right now. So, I am very grateful for a full time paying job that helps me to create a home for my family while my wonderful husband studies his butt off so we can have a great future.  My employer is very generous when it comes to my personal time and they are great to work with.

Since I’ve moved around quite a bit in my lifetime, it’s been hard to make and keep friendships. I’m grateful for the friends that I have, who despite the distance have always managed to keep in touch with me. If I don’t show up to women’s class at the gym, my friends are usually trying to find out if I’m doing alright. Grateful for friendships, despite me being terrible at nourishing them.

We have had the opportunity for the past year to live in Grandma O’s home while she is receiving care. Though the primary intention of us moving into the house was so we could take care of it, in retrospect it was really so we could save money. Grateful for my second family (marks family) for allowing us to live in grandmas home. It has been a blessing to not have to live pay check to paycheck and be able to have a home to raise lily. They are always looking out for us financially and it is nice to have that kind of support if necessary. Not having to make a car payment or pay a phone bill can alleviate a lot of financial stress on someone.

Grateful to have a new calling. Though it scares me, I’m glad I have an opportunity to serve in the church. I was called this week to be the Secretary in the Young Women’s organization. I’ve always wanted a calling in Young Womens, though I’ve never been a secretary. The leaders who I will be working with seem really great, which kind of makes me feel inadequate since they are much more spiritually in tuned then I am right now. I’m sure I will love this calling.

Grateful to have the opportunity be physically strong. I love to exercise. It actually makes me happy. I enjoy running, I love to complete challenging workouts (but not burpees) and I love to reach physical goals. I often listen to friends complain about how ‘I can diet, but I can’t exercise’, that is the complete opposite for me. Exercise is never my struggle.

I’ve struggled the past few years with my testimony of the LDS church. Not my testimony of Jesus Christ and the Atonement, only the church organization itself. Was Joseph Smith truly a prophet? Did he really see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ? The more friends you make outside of your religion, it makes you think about what you truly believe, so I’ve struggled. Though we attend church each Sunday, I struggle with going. I’m not a fan of LDS culture, most of the people appear to be vain, prideful, socially awkward and narrow minded (I know, I sound like a real conceded jerk). They Portray the world as an evil place and we are the only good ones…which I fail to agree. You don’t see many members of the LDS church participating in public events, they tend to be home bodies. And if I see someone I know from church out in public, they usually will not say hello unless I do. However non-LDS acquaintances are usually the first to acknowledge someone they know…maybe this scenario is exclusive to me. Despite my personal clash with LDS culture, it is amazing that the only place where I receive the confidence that I am actively following Gods plan for me through his restored gospel is when I am in the Temple. I am so grateful for Temples. When I am there, I receive so much clarity and peace. I learn more about myself, my eternal father and how I’m connected to the big picture. Though I’m a complicated LDS, with conflicting opinions, I know that I am actively participating with heavenly fathers plan for all his children. Going to the temple also means that I get to go away with Mark, which is always a blessing. Wish we could go more often. That is one thing I can be excited for moving to phoenix, I’ll have access to three temples!

I found out recently that I have gallstones, have had this issue going on for a year and not known. I will have to have my gallbladder removed, which is pretty common. Despite this set back, I'm grateful it was not something worse like cancer or pacriatis. Grateful for modern medicine that can help me, and maybe next time I will listen to my body.

I’m excited and hopeful for what is to come in our lives. The future has always scared me, because I’m not in control. What I can be in control of is my outlook on life and finding ways to be grateful. We were watching 60 minutes the other night when they were doing a piece on the Ebola outbreak in West Africa. I was heartbroken to see all the suffering of the people, one family in the piece lost their 5 yr old son, but the rest were spared. How heartbreaking for that family. Though I am not immune to tragedy, I am so grateful for the trials that I have gone through in my life and the power the lord has given me to overcome them. There is always someone in the world that has it worse.  Maybe instead of dwelling on my own issues, I should be thinking how I can help others with theirs?